To Be Free
by sljh
Summary: Don't forget who brought you back into this world, Sen. Don't forget, without us, you are nothing- Ch. 4. R
1. Ch 1

Disclaimer: Once is enough, right? Well, you _know_ I'm not the creator of Spirited Away, hence, I do not own it!  
  
Original summary: Chihiro's lost her memories along with her parents in an accident. Living with her uncle, she goes by the name Sen and works for a secret organization that hunts spirits. Guess who's next on her hit list?  
  
~*~*~ are dreams or flashbacks  
  
-....- are mind-speaking  
  
'...' are thoughts  
  
  
  
Heavy breathing resounded through the dark forest. A frantic, yet majestic white wolf tore through the dense trees, only to stop and emit short, painful gasps. Craning its ears, and take a tentative sniff in the air, it growled. That cursed girl was still after him. A shuddering cough hacked in his body, causing spurts of blood to purge from his mouth. Not wanting to waste more time, he hurtled past the confining bushes and ignored the scratches gouging deep into his side.  
  
A snarl rippled through the air. This was what he was reduced to! Running from a human! Whirling around with a jump, he planted his feet solidly onto the ground, crushing the autumn leaves. His fur bristled and his snarling grin revealed abnormally white, but sharp teeth and dripping blood.  
  
The silent, running figure behind him skidded to a stop before the wolf's fiery eyes and the moonlight revealed a young girl of 16 dressed in dark clothing. Cold eyes displayed the emptiness and lost ideals within her. The wolf instinctively gave a shudder; her aura held an air of a tainted soul and burning hate.  
  
Swinging the bow up with lightning speed, she drew back an arrow and stated in a dead voice, "Return to where you've come from, wolf-demon. There's no life for you here."  
  
A sinister chuckle voiced deep in the wolf's throat. -Foolish spirit-hunter. Even if you manage to destroy me, there are more of us out there.- Thrusting off his feet, he snarled ferociously and leaped for her throat, dodging to the side when the arrow was loosed. The stinging pain embedded in his heart caused the wolf-spirit to cry a shuddering howl and he sank to the floor. In his thirst for human blood, he forgot that cursed dagger of hers.  
  
Yellow eyes fluttered shut and he growled weakly. The last thing he saw was her hand wrenching the knife free from his heart, and he slowly drifted into darkness, his eyes set on the placid girl, the spirit-hunter. His body convulsed and after one shuddering breath, there was no movement. The wolf-spirit's body began to fade and gradually disappeared, leaving no trace of its existence except for a small, shiny bead.  
  
The girl studied the transparent bead as she picked it up and dropped it into her pocket as she fished out a cell. Vehemently pressing some buttons, she waited impatiently and said, "That makes sixteen," and hung up. Rubbing her temples, she trudged a few steps, then groaned. It was long past midnight and she had forgotten to do her math homework. Muscles protesting every step, she hastily rushed home.  
  
A meow greeted her when she slid the door open. A beautiful white cat with emerald eyes sniffed the air before pawing at her feet. She sighed. Walking to the kitchen, she washed her hands briefly, opened a can of cat food and dumped it into a bowl. The white cat gracefully leaped onto the counter and daintily began to eat. Plopping herself down on the chair, the girl took in the sight of scattered paper and opened books on top of the glass surface of the table. Jotting down the answers with ease, she slammed the books shut, startling the busy cat.  
  
Crawling into her bed, she discarded her hair-tie and drifted into the comforting arms of sleep. A hand resting on the blankets revealed many of the transparent, yet milky white beads strung around the wrist, looping around it many times.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Opening her eyes, the young girl was puzzled to see the stretching waters and at the edge of the horizon, was a glowing town. Looking down, she saw a child with brown hair at the edge of some stairs descending into the water, staring with disbelief at the sight as well.  
  
"This can't be!" The small girl squeaked out. Leaning on one leg, the other girl just watched.  
  
The kid's face denied what her eyes showed her and she shut them, banging her fists on her head, shaking it side to side at the same time. "I'm dreaming, dreaming! Wake up! Wake up!" All the while, she had dropped to her feet, rocking back and forth, still muttering, "wake... up..." The rocking continued and the girl's forlorn voice whimpered, "It's just a dream, a dream. Go away... disappear. Disappear..."  
  
The girl's brows raised. The kid's shoe was fading away, just like the wolf-spirit had done.  
  
The child shrieked; she seemed to have noticed the same thing. Looking at her hands, she clearly saw through them and yelped, "I'm see through!" Rubbing one hand with the other and alternating in between, she began rocking again, whimpering, "It's a dream, it's got to be."  
  
~*~*~  
  
BRIIIIIIIIIIIIING!  
  
*Slam*  
  
Rubbing her eyes, the brown-haired girl wearily opened them and blinked. A shattered alarm clock lay broken against the wall and she winced. "Kami..."   
  
changing out of her clothes from yesterday, she donned the white and gray top and gray pleated skirt as the usual Japanese school uniform. Deftly tying back her hair with a glittery pink hair-tie. Normally, she hated pink but she had this for as long as she could remember. Ever since the accident, she was unable to recall anything before that and this tacky hair-tie served as the only link to her past and a odd source of comfort. A figure blocked her doorway, and she looked up with unreadable eyes.  
  
"Oji-san." Giving him a curt nod, she grabbed her bag and tried to move past him.  
  
A hand latched out onto her arm, but he didn't say anything. Giving a cold stare at the slightly muscular, overweight man in his mid-thirties, she said, "I have to go now or I'm going to be late."  
  
"I'm gonna need the car today." His eyes regarded her. "Do you need a ride?"  
  
Chills trickled down her spine from fear. "I'll walk."  
  
The patchy, black-haired man gave a nod, caressing her arm in a way that gave her the creeps. She yanked herself away. Running to the car, pressed her head against the cool glass as she waited in the car as her uncle. The ride to her high-school was silent, but it always was. Pulling to a stop in the parking lot, the girl proceeded to get out but was stopped by a bruising grip.  
  
"Stay out of trouble and from those damn boys." His grip tightened.  
  
Fear screamed within her lips but she only muttered, "Hai." and climbed out of the car.  
  
Her hands trembled as she tried to collect her wits and she smoothed out her face, concealing her hatred for that man. Adjusting her bag, she stepped out and slammed the door shut, coolly walking her way to class. Her hand flexed to smooth out the kinks and tension caused by her uncle's painful grip.  
  
Taking her usual seat next to the windows, she barely acknowledged the greetings from various students, giving only a slight nod to show that she heard them. Her eyes strayed to the window now and then and she watched the serene view, taking in the fluttering leaves dancing in the breeze and the waving flowers among the shiny grass.  
  
"Goodness, he's so cute, it's no wonder he's a math genius!"  
  
Another giggled. "I should ask him for a private tutoring session."  
  
The young girl rolled her eyes at the chattering girls. From the sounds of it, they've found a new, _handsome_, victim to prey their hormones on.  
  
"Nigihayami-kun is so kind," someone sighed. "Unlike our sensei, he actually makes sense!"  
  
A student next to the girl exclaimed, "Hey Sen, where were you yesterday? You totally missed the kawaii guy that just came yesterday."  
  
Stifling a giggle, Sen rolled her eyes. It was only for so long that she could keep her distance before Chinatsu bust through them anyway. "I was... sick."  
  
Waving her excuse off, Chinatsu tugged one of her braids and straightened her blouse. "Whatever, what did your gang drag you into this time?"  
  
Sen's mouth twitched. "For the millionth time Chinatsu, I'm not in a gang. How else am I able to keep my grades up?"  
  
Chinatsu eyed Sen and said wryly, "Explain the cut on your arm, then; I don't think that was caused by mere clumsiness."  
  
Following her gaze, Sen's eyes landed on the scratch leading from her covered shoulder to her revealed arm. "Kuso...." she cursed under her breath. Seeing that Chinatsu was still waiting for an answer, she opened her mouth and closed it, uncertain of what to say.  
  
Luckily, the bell rang, signalling woe for tardy students; they turned their directions to the teacher.  
  
"Pst!"  
  
From the corner of her mouth, she muttered, "What, Chinatsu?"  
  
She answered by subtly pointing from under the desk to the guy sitting a couple seats away. Equally soft, she said, "That's him."  
  
Resisting the urge to bang her head on the desk, she hissed back, "_That's_ what you wanted me to see? Some pretty boy with messy brown hair? Put your attention to your work." She absent-mindedly fingered her milky-white beads. Their full length was like a necklace, but she had wrapped them around her hand like a bracelet.  
  
"Pass your assignments to the front and once it's collected, proceed in two lines to the rehearsal room."  
  
Sen blinked. Fuck. She forgot about that. Digging through her bag, she fished out some paper and smoothed them out, passing them to the girl in front of her.  
  
Chinatsu grinned knowingly. "You forgot it was Wednesday, didn't you?"  
  
Rubbing her temples, Sen put on her well-known emotionless mask and muttered, "I was... sick."  
  
Unperturbed, she shrugged. "You should have been sick on Wednesday, then. Just wing it; Sensei Daoimi won't notice."  
  
"That's just it. She _will_ notice. That damn woman notices everything," she said with a grimace.  
  
Out of their seats, they made their way down the hall along with the other soft tittering students and Sen kept an eye on the teacher up front. Trudging inside the vast room, various students lingered to the bleachers at the side, some began to stretch and others asked frantic questions to each other.  
  
Sen drifted into silence feeling cross but hiding it behind her mask of aloofness. Why did the high-schoolers have to do a stupid play? One that involved dancing no less? Well, at least it wasn't a ballet.  
  
"Places, people! We don't have all day."  
  
She glared at the teacher's perkiness. "It is too damn _early_ in the morning for this," she muttered to Chinatsu. She rubbed her forehead and snapped, "Why do I have to be one of the main characters, anyway? I wanted one of those minor scenes where you just blend in the background and do nothing."  
  
Before Chinatsu could give a reasonable answer, Sen was snatched away by her peers to do one of their scenes. Tucking all her emotions inside so that only placid awareness showed on her face, Sen concentrated on the music and beats, careful to be on cue.  
  
"No, no, no! Sen! Put more emotion to it!" Walking briskly up to the girl, she placed her arms on Sen's shoulders and moved them back and forth. "Like water, okay? Flow with the music and relax." Exasperated with Sen's unresponding attitude, she pointed to the crowd. "Nigihayami. You know your parts? Practice the scene with Sen." The teacher briskly walked away.  
  
Sen's brown eyes met with green ones. It was that messy haired kid everyone was so in love with. His questioning face regarded her uncertainly and whispered, "Chihiro...?"  
  
She blinked and he gave her a small grin. "Sorry, thought you were someone I knew."  
  
"Let's just get this over with." Turning away from him, she got into her position and took a breath, calming her nerves. For some reason, she felt as if she knew Nigihayami. Lifting one arm over her head, she waited until he started counting the beats. She moved into a different dance step in each count as Nigihayami corrected her once in a while. With each passing second, Sen became angrier. Why did she have to play the Sakura? Her character was nothing but a ditz worried over boys and one of those boys had to be the one Nigihayami played.  
  
Tossing her head on cue, Sen thought vehemently, 'I absolutely _hate_ love dramas.' Twirling to a stop, she sighed. It didn't matter what she wanted anyway. She had been taught to obey and never question authority, and now was one of those times. She was a servant, a bitch, an ungrateful ass, an idiot, and nothing more.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Well, how's that for starters? I'd like some intakes on what you guys think so review please! 10 reviews would be nice. ^_~ 


	2. Ch 2

A/N: Auuuuuuuughhh, sorry sorry, I've been experiencing writer's block.  
  
Responses to reviewers:  
  
animekid: I notice your name didn't show up on the review, but it did in my email (or maybe it's just my computer....), so ^^, juss lettin you know. Nigihayami is actually the real name of the "Kalaku River." If you watch the Japanese version, or just read the original translations of the Japanese script, Haku's real name turns out to be "Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi", _not_ Kalaku River.  
  
QueSeraSera: Same with animekid; for some reason, your review only showed up in me email account and yup, it'll all clear up eventually. That is... at least, I _hope_ so. *Scratches head* Ppl tell me I have a tendency to leave out stuff, haha.  
  
Holli Berri: I'm gonna assume you meant that in a good way. ^^  
  
Baka_Naruto: I'll take that advice in mind. Honestly, I need more input like that on how to improve my writing.  
  
Invisible Cheese Girl: Ninja monkeys...? o.O *Looks nervously over shoulder*  
  
Cheesecake101: Don't worry, it'll be explained eventually. Maybe in a chapter or two.  
  
Haku: For being my first reviewer.  
  
Lady Geagua: For being my first _signed_ reviewer. x)  
  
To the rest, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!!! *Tears*  
  
  
  
ANYWAY, on with the story.  
  
  
  
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Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.  
  
Sen's chin rested on top of her fists as she watched the clock with boredom while the others diligently worked on their tests. Giving berth to a huge yawn, she dug through her bag and fished out her portable CD player. Putting in her ear headphones, she fumbled with the buttons until the familiar music of Linkin Park blasted in her ears; Sensei Daoimi was an understanding teacher and usually allowed some rules to be bent while others kept strict protocol.  
  
The bell rang shrilly for lunch and loud talking filled the air as some lingered in the classroom while others dashed outside. Grabbing her books, Sen wandered past the pushing students to her locker. She frowned; the damn locker wouldn't open. Her patience wearing thin, she smacked the locker with her fist, cursing loudly in a string of Japanese curses.  
  
"Having trouble?" Nigihayami was watching her with an amused look on his face. He glanced at her heavily dented locker and commented, "So you're the one that makes the school janitors cry."  
  
She did not answer and yanked the locker open instead. As she dumped her books inside, Nigihayami heard a faint ring tone go off. Before he could say anything, Sen sighed and pulled out her cell from her pocket, snapping it open. Pulling off one of her ear-pieces, she intercepted the call. "...are you sure?" Silence. "How many?" She paused. "Hai." Flipping it shut, she slipped it back in her skirt pocket and put her ear-piece back in. Completely ignoring Nigihayami's presence, she turned her back on him and walked away.  
  
Once she was outside the dim hallway, Sen made her way to a secluded quad where Chinatsu and her other friends ate lunch. Some of them perched on the tree while others chatted in the shade and Sen climbed up, feeling the leaves rustle when it made contact with her uniform. They made space for her but she climbed to a higher branch and settled in the hidden shadows. Looping her arm around one of the protruding branches, Sen closed her eyes.  
  
Music still blasted in her ears at full volume but Sen was using a different sense than hearing. Noise dimmed out as time slowed and Sen could see everyone around her but not through her eyes. Her friends glowed with the steady pulsing red aura, and her mental eyes roamed past them, further out of the school. No... no... there! A milky white aura pulsed in her mind and Sen recognized its surroundings from right outside the school. Suddenly, Sen's eyes shot open and she slid down the tree, giving a lazy grin to the others, saying, "Bathroom."  
  
Once she was out of their sights, Sen dashed to a shortcut and searced for any bystanders. Seeing no one, she jumped the fence gracefully, and hurried down the streets, into the secluded woods. Drawing out her hidden bow and arrows from a nearby tree, she shifted the quivers to her back and pulled out the dagger hidden underneath her shirt at her waist. She pricked her finger, flinging a streak of blood to the floor while she ran; the scent of human blood usually drew them out.  
  
A shriek rang out in the air but Sen didn't hear it; she sensed it and leaped to a tree, finding her footing, then continued her pursuit in the trees. Silent, she crouched to a stop and with the blade between her teeth, she drew the string back to her ear and focused the arrow at the flying bird. Sen saw a little girl crying, her mouth open in a scream Sen couldn't hear as the deformed dog-sized bird with four wings swooped down to carry it away. An arrow sprouted in its wing and the deranged bird shrieked fury, its beady eyes seeking out the attacker.  
  
As its lifeless eyes focused on Sen, she merely grinned and dashed deeper into the shadows. The furious red bird plunged after her, its sense of scent fixed on her blood, but shrieked as another arrow buried itself within its wings. Plummeting to the ground with a heavy thud, the bird slid to a stop and heaved itself back up, blood brimming upon its beak. -You dare to turn on your own kind!?-  
  
"Just because they replaced my blood with one of your kind's doesn't make me one of you," Sen replied coldly.  
  
A mocking chuckle resounded within Sen's head, drowning out the Linkin Park music still playing in her ears. -So, you play the little slave since they saved your life.-   
  
Shadow clouded her eyes. "I didn't have a choice." She let loose another arrow.  
  
Its mental chuckle was cut short as blood bubbled at its throat, an arrow sprouting in its neck. A glint flashed in the air and the bird's belly severed open, spilling out its decaying entrails. In a last act of defiance, the bird's talons suddenly raked across her arm, and crashed to the floor.  
  
The bird limped; it had spent its energy by inflicting damage upon Sen, and it slowly disappeared, leaving a small shiny bead. Warily picking it up as she dropped to her knees, Sen eyed the three long scratches below her left wrist and cursed; it's been a while since she made a slip. Turning her head up, Sen's eyes locked with the frightened girl's from before.  
  
Her small lips moved. "A...arigatou..."  
  
Sen bolted, leaving no trace of her existence in the woods, save for the sniffling girl alone in the forest.  
  
---------------------  
  
Sen sighed as she wearily fingered the long white bandages wrapped around her arm. Two slip-ups in one day. What was the matter with her? Pulling out her phone from under the desk, she text-messaged, 'Phoenix HQ. The rogue bird-spirit makes 17. What are the status of the injured victims?'  
  
A message was instantly returned. 'All five are deceased.'  
  
Sen snapped her phone shut, slipping it back into her skirt pocket. Her ears tuning back into her surroundings, groans and mutters from the students filled her ears. Before she could ask anyone what happened, the bell rang, signalling the end of school. Shrugging, she took the paper on her desk and stuffed it into her bag, shifted it onto her back and walked with the crowd out the doors.  
  
"Sen!"  
  
Swiveling her head, Sen browsed the tops of the various colored heads and waved nonchalantly back at Chinatsu. Once she was out of the mass, Chinatsu eyes inquired Sen's bandaged arm but Sen asked instead, "Isn't your solo today?"  
  
Sensing Sen wasn't going to explain, she gave a nod. "Can you make it?"  
  
She shrugged. "I've got work."  
  
Chinatsu sighed. "It's okay. Aiko, Etsuya, and them said they'll come. I just hope I don't screw up."  
  
She absent-mindedly tugged her ponytail as they loitered at the lockers. "You still going out with that Ryushi?"  
  
Giving another sigh, Chinatsu said dreamily, "I've never had shared so many similar views with anyone. He cares about me like no other guy ever did and I have so much fun with him. It's like we're soul mates or something."  
  
"Pretty young to be in love," she remarked.   
  
Something Chinatsu could have sworn was wistfulness briefly came out of hiding before returning to its placid darkness within Sen's eyes. A bit tentative, she probed, "What're you thinking?"  
  
Smooth as water, Sen said indifferently, "Just how stupid some people are to think they're in love when they aren't even close." After a moment, she added, "Especially those in high school."  
  
Chinatsu smiled, unperturbed by Sen's obvious barb. "Do you know what it means to be in love?"  
  
Sen snorted. "Thankfully not. I've seen the damage it does to other people. Love is a trap that interferes with your perspectives and common sense. It brings unspeakable heartache and breaks even the strongest person, leaving a pile of crushed hopes."  
  
"But it brings great happiness and joy, especially if you find your soul mate."  
  
"You sound like some cheesy novel." Sen yawned. "Don't worry, Chinatsu. I'm not some hate-infested maniac. I just don't believe in love, soul mates and stuff like that. There's just some people you are more compatible to than others, those you can live with involving some degree of love."  
  
"That isn't very romantic," Chinatsu stated.  
  
Sen shrugged. "Who ever said I was romantic?" She shifted her bag. "You're such an optimist."  
  
"And you're such a pessimist. Maybe that's why we get along so well; we're like yin and yang." Chinatsu grinned.  
  
At this Sen laughed. "Fucking Kami, you are the most hopeful person I've ever met. Not too many are that idealistic."  
  
Chinatsu raised her brows. "We're both seniors but you're the younger one who skipped a grade. Aren't you supposed to be more cheerful about the world than me?"  
  
Sen answered lightly, "Too much knowledge can do that to you. Anyway, g'lucks on the solo."  
  
Knowing an end of a discussion when she heard one, Chinatsu grinned back weakly. "Thanks. Sayonara, Sen."  
  
Waving her off in reply, Sen strolled away. As she walked outside, someone fell in step with her and without turning her head, Sen asked, "What do you want?"  
  
Nigihayami shoved his hands in his pockets. "Are you always this unfriendly?"  
  
Sen raised her brows, giving him a look that said, do you even have to ask? Turning to leave, she was abruptly stopped when he grabbed her hand.  
  
"Aren't you at least going to give me your number?"  
  
~*~*~  
  
It was that little girl again. Crouching in the grass, her face was hidden and she was still whimpering. A lone figure in white and blue nimbly weaved his way down to the girl and stopped before her. Carefully studying the girl, he sympathetically put his arms around the fading girl's shoulders. Bewildered, the girl gave a short gasp as her head snapped up.  
  
She looked into the face of the brown, ear-length cropped hair and gentle green eyes and he said gently, "Don't be afraid. I'm a friend."  
  
Shaking her head side-to-side vigorously, she bleated, "No, no, no!" Snapping her head away from him, she thrust her hands to strike him away, but was startled to learn that they reached through him. Her hands drifted away from his face; the girl's face showed evident shock.  
  
"Open your mouth and eat this." The young boy produced a red berry and tried to feed her. "Unless you eat something from this world, you'll vanish."  
  
The little girl still shook her head. "No!"  
  
Pressing the berry against her lips, he forced it into her mouth. "Don't worry. It won't turn you into a pig. Chew it and swallow."  
  
Making a face full of effort, the young girl carefully chewed the bitter berry and swallowed it.  
  
"Good girl, you're fine. See for yourself." He held up his slender hand.  
  
Tentative, she touched his palm with the tip of her fingers and hesitated. Color gradually returned to her fading hand and she pressed them against his hand. She looked with wonder at their hands and to his face. "I'm back again..."  
  
~*~*~  
  
Sen snatched her hand away, confused, but hiding it behind her well-known mask of indifference.  
  
"You don't... remember, do you?"  
  
She blinked. Something shadowed his eyes but before Sen could determine what exactly it was, Nigihayami quirked a brow at her. "Chinatsu-san did say you space out in class sometimes. Sensei Toikau of English paired us up for a project. You seriously don't remember?"  
  
Not knowing why she felt slightly disappointed, Sen rubbed her head. "I wasn't listening." She thought over something. "We can't meet to work on it. I have a hectic schedule."  
  
He shrugged. "I'll still need your number, Sen." They began walking outside.  
  
Jotting it down, she said, "Explain the project details when you call." She didn't care that weariness trickled into her voice. Seeing that he was still walking with her though she had given him her number, she snapped, "What?"  
  
"I kind of overheard your conversation with Chinatsu and--"  
  
"You want to know why I was being such a bitch," she finished for him. She grinned wryly. "I'm not exactly an angel, if you haven't noticed."  
  
"You know, that kind of attitude repels people from trying to be your friend," he remarked.  
  
Sen stopped to fix her shoe as they left the school bounds and proceeded on the sidewalk. "Then what are you doing?"  
  
He shrugged. "Trying to see if we can be friends."  
  
Sen smiled at him but her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "Nice try, Nigihayami-san. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get going. And by the way, it's Sen-san, not Sen. We aren't that close." Without waiting for a reply, she left him at the corner of the street. Once she was out of his sight, she pulled out her cell and dialed a number, listening to the ringing.  
  
Hearing a click, she said briskly, "Got some interesting news. There's a spirit walking around here, and not your disasterous experiment ones. This one's directly from the spirit world."  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: I'm such a perfectionist. If even one sentence irks me, I can't post it up. @_@ Tell me what you thought of this chapter. You can even yell at me for taking forever in updating. ^^ 


	3. Ch 3

A/N: Just a little reminder:  
  
(1) Nigihayami is Haku's real name. Well, his full name is actually Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi. (All in the Japanese version.)  
  
(2) ~*~*~ means flashbacks or dreams  
  
  
  
Responses to reviewers:  
  
fame'n'fortune: Thx! I try to go for unique but it's kind of hard when there's many talented writers out there.  
  
Moonmage: Hmmm, if I told you, then what'll be the point of the story? *winks* Don't worry, this chapter has a romance... well, sorta.  
  
Mina-chan2: Hopefully this chapter will answer some questions. If not, just give me specific questions and I'll try to answer them.  
  
~ : All explained here.  
  
Joan Mistress of Magic: Lol, I'm sorry if I accidently left a cliffhanger. *sweat drops* That _was_ the end anyway... the end of the conversation that is. I'll try to get out the chapters sooner.  
  
Nigihayami's girl: Err... what would you say if I have a thing for sad endings? Haha, I like to write them, but I like happy endings too. We'll see in the end.  
  
Agent Blue: *huffs* I'll have you know that I find that kind of "getting on" disapproving! *turns red* In other words, I get extremely embarrassed writing intimate scenes. There's some "candy" in this chapter, but when it does come to the scenes where sex is involved... I'm sorry but I can't write them! I'll imply, but that's the best I can do.... T_T *runs away*  
  
lily: ^^ I'll try to bring it out faster.  
  
lynnie6: *starry-eyed* YAAAAAAAAY! *hugs back* Thanks for the kind words, despite your err... "unique" ways of telling it to me. ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Let's get cracking!  
  
  
  
~*~*~ Flashback ~*~*~  
  
Her parents are already dead. She doesn't have time left either."  
  
"What makes you think the girl will survive? The others didn't."  
  
The girl? Am I... the girl?  
  
Breathing heavily, the young girl slowly opened her eyes and closed them again. Her blurry vision was obscured but it was obvious of the shattered glass and crushed car on the road pavement. Two other bodies like tossed dolls limped in the distance as well.  
  
"We never know unless we try. If she dies, she was going to anyway. If she doesn't..."  
  
The two initial voices began to face as she felt someone's arms pick her up.  
  
No, wait!  
  
The girl's lips refused to move.  
  
Wait, wait!  
  
The voices grew more distant with each passing second. She was loaded onto a vehicle, and strapped down as people attached IV needles into her. Fresh oxygen flowed in her mouth as she struggled to open her eyes.  
  
Wait!  
  
Who am I? Who... am I?  
  
~*~*~ End of Flashback ~*~*~  
  
Sen downed the glass of vodka like water. No matter how many times she tried to suppress that memory, it always resurfaced, just like the black wings lighting upon her naked back.  
  
Five years. It had been five long years since the Phoenix HQ took her dying body in and breathed a new life into her. Six in a couple of days. The blood that replenished hers came from one of the experimental spirits and she was the only survivor; they tried fusing humans with the spirit blood before but had failed several times.  
  
Only the strong survive. That was one of the first of many things they taught her. They put her in a foster home with one of their workers, saying she still had to learn how to act like a normal kid and blend in with her surroundings. They taught her many things, but her past wasn't one of them. Her name was Sen Ohishi and she belonged to Phoenix HQ. That was all she needed to know.  
  
Tipping the alcohol against her mouth as she drained the last drop, something clinked against the glass. It was the spirit beads; somehow, Phoenix HQ managed to harness pure spirit energy/essence into the clear beads, often conducting experiments with them. They took the beads and infused it into animals, resulting in a mutation of the form.  
  
They didn't expect it to mutate her as well.  
  
Glancing at the clock from her homework, Sen saw it was 6:30 and "oji-san" was still out. Her cell shrilled and she looked at it.  
  
Work.  
  
Regarding her phone, she finally turned it off and looked at the clock again. Maybe she could still make it.  
  
-----------------------  
  
"Sen! I can't believe you actually came!" Chinatsu hugged Sen before sheepishly pulling away. "Oops. Forgot that you don't like people touching you." She noticed Sen's tired eyes, which seemed duller than before.  
  
Sen allowed a small smile. "You were decent." That was the best she could do; she wasn't one to give compliments. "Where's Aiko, and the others?"  
  
The noisy crowd that filtered out of the auditorium jostled the two and they started to walk outside. "Aiko's still at soccer practice, Etsuya's grounded for getting caught smoking, and everyone else had last minute studying to do. No one else came except for you." Chinatsu smiled hopefully at her.  
  
Sen yawned. "Don't flatter yourself. My shift ended early." She glanced at her watch. 10:30. She gave a lazy grin. "Up for some clubbing?"  
  
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Sen downed another alcoholic drink. She wasn't sure if it was either a bloody mary, sex on the beach, or what not. She took it as it came.  
  
Chinatsu giggled profusely at her side as she danced with a complete stranger.  
  
Breathing in the heady scent of mixed perfume and drinks around her, Sen slid off the high chair and onto the dance floor with the other sweating bodies. Taking in the music, Sen let her thoughts wander out the window as she flowed with the techno music pulsing in her ears. Each beat cried to be heard and Sen obliged as she began to dance.  
  
Her hips swayed as her hands lifted in an exotic dance and fluidly let the music mold her, touch her and move her in ways so that she was one with the music.  
  
An arm wrapped around her waist. "Why can't you dance like that in the play?"  
  
Sen lifted drunk eyes, glancing behind her. She reached up and wrapped her hands around his neck while they moved to the music. Pressing her body until there was no space between them, she tilted her head back upon his shoulder and bit his neck. "You're too young to be here." She licked at the forming bruise.  
  
Feeling Nigihayami's lips on hers, she felt him murmur, "Your too young too, and you're drunk." His tongue touched her mouth and Sen twisted from his grip so that they were face to face.  
  
"So are you." She captured his lips, tangling on of her hands into his hair as the other rested on his neck and let the music rock them. Hot fire pulsed through her as Nigihayami nibbled her lower lip while his tongue begged entrance. Their tongues warred each other and his hand roamed until it seductively reached under her black shirt. Cupping her breast for the briefest second, he lightly stroked its underside, eliciting a soft moan from Sen within his mouth. Pulling his lips away, he bent to her neck and slowly licked it, leaving a wet trail. His lips fell upon the pale skin and he nibbled it at first, then increased pressure at the encouraging groan. He suckled her neck softly to relieve the pressure.  
  
"Stop teasing," she growled.  
  
When his hips gyrated against hers, she muffled a shriek as the sexual tension began to climb. Her eyes became heady as she arched her neck, asking to be assaulted once again. He nibbled her ear and made a trail of sucking kisses on the groove of her jaw as he settled upon her lips. Slipping in his tongue, he rocked her along with the beats of the music.  
  
"Kami... fuck me and get it over with," Sen mumbled against his mouth.  
  
Stroking her tongue, Nigihayami murmured, "So you know the meaning of lust, but do you know the meaning of love, Chihiro?" He released her and she stood dazed, just watching him. Planting a light kiss on her nose, he said softly, "Stop fighting your past." He stepped back and disappeared into the mass of dancing bodies.  
  
'The fuck...?'  
  
Sen realized with a hazy start that someone else had taken Nigihayami's place with tracing her body curves from behind and she struggled from his grip.  
  
"Why fight me? You didn't with him. C'mon gurly... I'll show you a better time than that guy." Even his voice was sleazy.  
  
The man persisted and reached under her shirt from behind but Sen had had enough for one night. She grabbed his wrists and threw him over her hip. The dancers around them just made space for them and continued to move to the music, not giving a care in the world about what was happening.  
  
Common sense returned to Sen as if she was never drunk and she sneered down at him, "As if anyone would want your grimy hands." As she turned away, the man furiously got to his feet and swung at her back. Ducking the blow, Sen swiftly kicked his stomach as she leaped and punched his face as he crashed onto some people.  
  
"Hey! No fighting!" A couple of bouncers tried to reach Sen and the man.  
  
Chinatsu grabbed Sen by the arm. "That's our cue to leave." Hurriedly, they wove through the mass of twisting and turning bodies, until they reached outdoors. Climbing into Chinatsu's car, Sen lay in a heap in the backseat as Chinatsu revved her engine and pulled out of the parking lot.  
  
"Goodness Sen. Sooner or later, we're going to get banned from every club in town." She pursed her lips as she checked the intersection. "You know, despite how much alcohol you drink, you never seem to act drunk, even when you are. What happened this time?"  
  
Sen covered her face with her arm. She knew Chinatsu was referring to her little moment with Nigihayami. For some reason, she could still feel his burning touch and her lips pulsed at the memory. Sitting up, she glanced at the rearview mirror and saw the bruises forming on the sides of her neck.  
  
She touched them and desire still echoed within her. Sen rubbed her eyes. Fuck. She never felt more alive when he had touched her; it was like she was getting drunk for the first time and fell under some sort of spell woven by him.  
  
Sen wasn't sure if she liked this at all.  
  
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~*~*~  
  
"Where's Mom and Dad?" The little girl ran past the outdoor shops with the young boy from before.  
  
He answered, "They've gone ahead."  
  
Coming to a halt at the top of some stairs, the little girl looked down and exclaimed, "There's no water!" Before her eyes stretched miles of grass, twisting here and there with grooves, hills, and probing rocks.  
  
"I can't go any farther. Go back the way you came, Chihiro. But don't ever look back, not until you're out of the tunnel."  
  
"What about you, Haku?"  
  
He smiled a gentle smile. "I'll speak with Yubaba. Quit my apprenticeship. I'm fine, now that I have my name back. I'll go back to my world, too."  
  
"Will we meet again?"  
  
"I'm sure." He took her hand.  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Promise. Now go, and don't look back." Chihiro stepped down the stairs as her hand slipped out of Haku's.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Sen clutched the blankets to her as she lay awake on her side. Chihiro? Isn't that what Nigihayami called her? What did he have to do with these dreams?  
  
And who was Haku? The only Haku she knew was that white cat that she kept around.  
  
She closed her eyes. Honestly, she envied the little kid. To have no obligations in life, to just be an ordinary ten-year-old instead of a winged freak, to be free...  
  
Chihiro... Haku...  
  
But... I'm Sen, aren't I?  
  
Aren't I?  
  
Something whispered in her head as one black feather drifted to the floor.  
  
Who am I? Who... am I?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Reviews are always appreciated. 


	4. Ch 4

A/N: Didn't take the time this time to answer the reviewers. Sorry, but I'm getting lazy now. =)  
  
  
  
Gorged, messy pigs dressed in human clothes. Wispy black spirits wandering the streets. Fluttering panic beating against her ribs. Night slowly beckoning her loss. Brightlights and tacky colors loitering the shops.  
  
Then Sen woke up. Quick, shallow gasps racked her throat as cold sweat beaded her face. Clutching the blanket, she squeezed her eyes shut, muttering, "Only a nightmare, it's only a nightmare."  
  
But why did her nightmare feel more like a memory?  
  
Her cell suddenly shrilled and Sen sat up on her bed, wiping her face with the blanket. Picking up the phone, she rasped, "What."  
  
"Phoenix HQ wants you to capture to free spirit. This is the first time in years since they've been able to get their hands upon an untainted one. Don't mess this up, Sen. This could mean a major breakthrough with research quarters."  
  
"Whatever, Daiyu. I don't tell you how to do your job, so don't tell me how to do mine," she snapped and tossed her phone to the floor.  
  
Lifting her eyes, Sen noticed a man blocking her doorway, looking at her with those eyes she hated.  
  
"What is it, oji-san."  
  
In a short second, he crossed the room and slapped her face, pain stinging as she spat out the blood pooling in her mouth.  
  
"Ungrateful ass. I specifically ordered that you make rice everytime we run low. Is that such a hard thing for a stupid bitch like you to understand?" Each insult followed a blow at her head and she grit her teeth, holding in her retorts. His breath reeked of alcohol and pain glittered into her skull as he pulled her hair, tossing her onto the floor like a rag doll.  
  
Holding her head, she yelled, "I'm not your fuckin' maid, you asshole. God dammit, if you wanted some rice, then make them yourself instead of taking your drunken ass and blaming me for something so fucking retarded like that!"  
  
He smiled in a way that sent chills down her body, threatening to close her throat and suffocate all her breath out. A heavy kick punched her side and she clutched it out of reflex, trying to hold in her cry of pain. Iron-like hands gripped her wrists, pinning her to the floor, her face only inches away from his.  
  
"I love it when you get feisty like that," he murmured as he pressed his hard lower body upon her struggling body.  
  
'No, no, no, no, no!' She cried inwardly. Tears washed down the corner of her eyes; she hated being weak, being female. More blood filled her mouth as he bit down her lip and his tongue drove into her mouth.  
  
"Don't forget who brought you back into this world, Sen. Don't forget, without us, you are nothing," he murmured as his hand moved under her clothes.  
  
Sen was practically sobbing now, but it was true. This was her life and nothing she did could change that. With a half-crazed, watery laugh, she surrendered to his grubby touches like she always had for as long as she could remember. She no longer felt him push inside her, bruising her as he pleasured himself, as he groaned when he emptied himself within her, as he flipped her over and began the ordeal again, because she was lost in her own world, one that took her far away from the present, from the life she knew she could not escape.  
  
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Sen carefully observed her face in the mirror of the school's restroom. The wonder of makeup; the foundation covered up the shallow bruises and the heavier ones were hidden behind her hair since she let it down today. The beads clicked against each other as her glittery pink band hung loosely around her wrist as well.  
  
"Well, I thought I'd never see _you_ worry over your looks," chirped Chinatsu from behind her. She arched her brows devilishly. "Maybe a certain boy has caught your eye...?"  
  
Snorting, Sen said, "Don't even joke about it. What happened last night was a mistake. A blunder from the result of alcohol, nothing more."  
  
Chinatsu pursed her lips doubtfully, but said nothing. Shrugging, she said, "By the way, Nushi-san is looking for you." A thoughtful look graced her features. "He said he'll be at the library and said something about a project you guys had to do."  
  
Mentally smacking herself on the head, Sen grinned thanks and hurried out the restroom. Walking down the empty hallway save for a few lingering students, she made her way into the library and searched the premise for that damn messy hair of his. Plopping down at the table he was at, she raised her brows at the books surrounding him.  
  
"Took you a while. I borrowed the books we need for the project and..." Nigihayami stopped.  
  
Sen looked at him with inquiring eyes.  
  
In a quieter tone, he asked, "Who did it."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Grabbing her arm, Nigihayami dragged her outside the library until they were outdoors where no one was seen.  
  
His words hissed out, "Don't play dumb with me Sen. Who did this to you?" He pulled up the sleeve of her uniform, revealing dark bruises decorating her arm. He pushed back her hair and Sen knew he saw the bruises on her face as well. Her heart thudded against her chest as he wiped away the makeup hiding the other bruises.  
  
Throat dry, she finally pushed him away, panic overflowing her senses. "I'm just clumsy, that's all." Gathering her frayed nerves, she muttered, "What does it matter to you, anyway?"  
  
Nigihayami practically roared in her ears as he shook her shoulders. "Don't be stupid, Chihiro! Tell me who the fuck messed you up last night because I can't stand to see you suffering!"  
  
Silence weighed heavily between them, and after many agonizing minutes, Nigihayami asked, "Don't you remember, Chihiro? Don't you remember anything?"  
  
Pushing him away, Sen yelled, "Stop that! Just... stop! I am not Chihiro, I am Sen. SEN. Get that fact through your thick head first and stop trying to make me remember things when I can't! My life is none of your concern no matter who you think I am and even if it was, you can't do anything to change it! This is what I have to live with, this is what I was born to. You can't change it." Tears trailed down her face, frustration and anger overwhelming her usually coldly hidden feelings.  
  
Warm arms embraced her and she heard his voice calmly soothe her. "It's okay, it's okay."  
  
"No it's not!" she cried as she struggled against his arms. "I hate being female, I hate following their orders, I hate being indebted to them, I hate killing, I hate it all!" Unable to escape, she finally sobbed bitterly into his uniform. "You can't... change it..."  
  
Feeling him cover her hand, she looked up to his face, and was surprised to see pain and anguish swimming in his green eyes. "I know I can't expect you to remember, I know I can't erase what happened to you all these years, but Chihiro... can't you at least understand how much it hurts me to see you hurt?"  
  
A feeling she never felt before fluttered in her veins, confusing her. "Stop it... just stop. I'm not this Chihiro you keep talking about and it doesn't help when-"  
  
Her words were interrupted as Nigihayami kissed her. It was a soft, gentle kiss, full of emotion, and sincere. It was a kiss Sen had never experienced, but was not all together unpleasant. It was a kiss that brought new tears to her eyes because it was a kiss that told her that he loved her, an emotion Sen knew she could never handle.  
  
She continued to cry because it was a kiss that spoke of a future she knew she could never have.  
  
"I'm... not her..."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Yes, finally a chapter is released. Think of this as my Christmas present to you. I'm sorry for the long update, but with all these hectic classes, I don't even have weekends off. Review plz, and Merry Christmas to all! 


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